I once overheard someone say “Only losers go to psychics,” and it struck me as not only ignorant and judgmental, but also extremely unfair. Most of my clients are intelligent, considerably more self-aware than average, and concerned about how to gain better control of their lives, though many tend to suffer from “undiagnosed” Low Self-Esteem (LoSE). They’ve drilled down the pros and cons of decisions logically, but when both appear equal they turn to an intuitive consultant for insight. When given that insight, the common response is “I felt that way too, I just wanted to be sure.” Those with Low Self-Esteem (LoSErs) can come to rely on psychics because they’re out of touch with their own intuition, or because they struggle with committing to decisions.
So while it’s grossly unfair to call all psychic clients losers, it is fair to say that LoSErs can become too reliant on psychics. My job with these LoSEr clients is to answer their questions with my psychic impressions and to encourage them to trust in their own extra-sensory perception.
Everyone has a sixth sense. Everyone is born with the ability to intuit. Even if you don’t believe in that for yourself or others, one cannot deny having a subconscious mind. This inner mind is not simply for the New Age believer, either; it’s a powerful repository of our automatic behaviors, our memories, our imagination, and our wider awareness of solutions to questions. I remember hearing a metaphysics teacher declare “There cannot be a problem unless there is already a solution; they are two sides of the same coin.”
So why do some people scoff at or ridicule the sixth sense? You’d think people would embrace such a powerful part of their own minds. I can imagine a society that enjoys competition in metaphysical thought and abilities – tournaments, medals, and a huge spectator population, just as in athletics. Yet the sixth sense is minimized, lumped together with “weird science,” relegated to the supernatural or dark occult, and routinely joked about as if any association with it is shameful. Years ago when I was an elected official, my party committee kept downplaying my career and suggesting I redirect the conversation if it came up in public or in the press, as if this were an embarrassing hobby I should try to hide. Personally I’d love to know my elected officials were logical, compassionate, and intuitive, using all parts of their minds and natures to lead their constituents.
Is this attitude the natural outcome of the Age of Reason? A patriarchal culture that subtly undermines the sixth sense by calling it “women’s intuition?” Or is it fear of the unknown?
If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you probably already know what I think. I think those who ridicule what they don’t understand suffer from low self-esteem and are the LoSers themselves. Someone who has Recovered his Inherent Self-Esteem (a RISEr) has a curious mind and isn’t afraid to express interest in what is unfamiliar. A RISEr is someone who might say, “You’re a psychic? Really? What is that like?”
For many people, anything psychic is a “belief” and not a “fact,” though studies have shown that instinct (or intuition, hunch, gut feeling) is indeed a very real part of the biology and psychology of human life. Beliefs, because they reside in the subconscious mind, are usually felt to be truth. If one believes in God for example, the existence of miracles, answered prayers, and even retribution are considered true, and the conscious mind naturally gathers evidence to support that truth. In the extreme, information or data that doesn’t fit into the believer’s model of truth is summarily rejected as false, even if there is evidence to the contrary. Psychologists call this cognitive dissonance, and we see numerous examples in the political arena, as Democrats reject anything Republican and vice versa.
It’s nearly impossible to argue with beliefs, which is why I rarely explain what I do or attempt to defend it to non-believers. I’m continually amazed at some of the derisive comments I hear about being a psychic/medium; last year at a local business association convention my county legislator looked over my table and sneered, “You make a living doing this sh*t?”
Beliefs, which usually develop in childhood and are the gifts of our parents and culture, can also develop out of emotional experiences. We hope that those early beliefs include confidence in ourselves as valuable members of the human race, and the belief that we are worthy just because we’re here, and that we have a right to love, respect, sovereignty and self-realization. Sadly, many youngsters get the message early on that they aren’t automatically entitled to believe in themselves, which leads to a population of adults who hang on to beliefs (even erroneous ones) because they don’t know that they have the right to change their minds.
And so: low self-esteem. I believe LoSE is at the core of every misapprehension about the self (and by extension, others). Those who scoff at what they don’t understand are doing so from a lack of confidence and a supposition that asking questions is a sign of stupidity. Those who pooh-pooh what is unfamiliar are doing so from a fearful place of low self-esteem. Those who chime in with the crowds to make fun of a new idea are doing so because they derive their self-acceptance from going along with the crowd. Low self-esteem is at the core of all of these reactions.
As a psychic and intuitive consultant, I manage a fine line between acting as a guide to my clients and answering their every question about love, business, and life decisions. My clients are not losers in the sense I overheard, but often do suffer from LoSE. They have a sense of what is right and correct for them, but sometimes they lack the confidence or self-worth to follow through. Many LoSErs can see which direction is right for them, but don’t believe they deserve happiness; are always waiting for the “bad” that they believe inevitably follows the “good;” or have been taught that they’re not smart enough to reach for their goals.
I have a client who lives in Canada, so our intuitive sessions take place over the phone or on Skype. He’s in his late sixties and preparing for retirement from his second career – something he knows he could have done years ago. But Dennis is having an especially difficult time because he’s never had only himself to answer to. In his first career he was a dedicated police officer, and after retiring from that line of work, he took a civil service position in a department of the Federal Government. For more than 45 years, Dennis told me, he has never had to make a decision solely for himself, without having to account to another person. He never married or had children, he inherited the home he grew up in, and usually drove a vehicle assigned by his employer.
Now, facing the next few decades without following someone else's script, Dennis believes he simply won’t succeed at “just living.”
At our first reading Dennis freely admitted that I was probably the twentieth psychic he’d consulted overall, and that he was also talking to two others presently. That hadn’t been a problem in the past he said, except that recently the psychics were giving him conflicting information – that’s why he’d reached out to me. Apparently I was going to be the tie-breaker.
I asked Dennis if we could back up a bit and take a different tack in our readings; if he didn’t like what I was suggesting I wouldn’t charge him for our time. After he agreed, I informed him that I’d be playing a different role: rather than confirming what other psychics said, my role would be to confirm what he himself was feeling.
Though I believe Dennis had a fairly healthy self-regard overall, his utter lack of practice in making weighty decisions made him as unsure of himself as any LoSEr I’d ever worked with. His questions were many, as he was anticipating major changes in his life. He was retiring and simultaneously considering selling his house and relocating to be closer to a woman he’d met recently.
Over the course of four sessions, Dennis and I focused on his own intuition. For example, he knew his feelings for Linda were genuine. The uncertainty lay in whether she was “the one,” and therefore whether the relationship was worth relocation. He also lacked confidence in his ability to create an active future, particularly in pursuing a hobby he’d long dreamed of.
I taught Dennis how his own intuition was sending his conscious mind signals. I asked him to use self-hypnosis daily to boost his confidence not only in himself but in the power of his mind to make changes. We practiced visualizing the various outcomes of major decisions, and we even used some Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) to trigger a conditioned response of optimism and curiosity.
By the time our work was complete, Dennis was chomping at the bit to put his home on the market; he’d already visited Linda a number of times to look at real estate together. Dennis knew that the status of his relationship might change in the future, but he knew that he felt genuine love and hope with Linda right now. Dennis said, “It’s amazing! I actually know what I’m feeling. I never really formed any strong opinions before, but now that I know how I truly feel about Linda, I don’t have any doubt about what the right moves are for me.”
Additionally, Dennis could see himself pursuing his hobby with confidence, and even envisioned a time when he could sell what he created. Most importantly, Dennis knew he didn’t need to replace his own intuition with psychics’, and told me, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t plan to speak to you again!”
It’s a good idea to turn to an intuitive consultant if you’re having difficulty making a decision, but if you find you’re relying on one to advise you, take a look at ways to build trust in your own inner guidance. It doesn’t matter which inner guidance system you use, whether you’re student of the mind, a believer in the metaphysical, or a God-centered person: all will work for you. Your subconscious mind already knows the solution; your intuition already knows how events will turn out; God knows everything that will happen for you (“…all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16).
When you Recover your Inherent Self-Esteem (RISE), that self-trust will come naturally. Like Dennis, if you know how you truly feel about an issue it will be easier to make confident decisions, because even if you cannot guarantee the outcome, you know deep down that you’re operating from an authentic place within yourself. Working from that inherent self-esteem, even if things don’t turn out as you hoped, you’ll naturally discover the silver lining, you’ll have the confidence to rebuild and bounce back, and you won’t be afraid to keep trying.
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