Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?”(Five Man Electrical Band, 1970)
My client Mika is helplessly lodged in a rut, lost in the toxic fog of low self-esteem. Of all my clients over the years, Mika exhibits the clearest picture of disempowerment I’ve ever seen. She’s well into her 50s, yet her expectations of herself and others are like those of an adolescent. Before engaging in anything new, Mika looks for signs.
In and of itself, this isn’t really a big deal. Lots of people look for or acknowledge signs to one degree or another. But Mika won’t make a move unless the signs are favorable, and she’s so filled with self-doubt and uncertainty, one sign simply won’t do. There needs to be overwhelming
sign evidence that she is correct before she’ll take the next step. As you can imagine, many opportunities have passed Mika by and it was for this reason that she came to see me.
I usually ask my new clients how they found me, and Mika announced that she’d written my name down months ago but was uncertain whether intuitive guidance was what she needed. It was only after repeated reassuring signs that she called me.
“So how can I help you?” I asked her.
“I feel stuck,” was the reply. (If I had a nickel….)
When I asked her to tell me more, Mika described years of the same boring life. No romantic relationships, no hobbies, no travel, no new furniture, no interesting changes whatsoever. She’d been getting up and going to a job she could do in her sleep five days a week, and attending the occasional social event on the weekends.
As an example Mika showed me her old, outdated flip phone. Years ago she’d thought about purchasing a smart phone, but couldn’t decide between an iPhone and an Android; she didn’t feel savvy enough to decide herself, so she “gave it up to the Universe” to direct her choice and awaited signs indicating the best brand.
However, each positive iPhone indicator was matched by a good sign for the Android, so Mika started collecting and balancing these signs against each other. Years went by with no decision, and now Mika feels silly and embarrassed to go into a smart phone store and admit she has no idea how to use one. She didn’t know what an App was and felt apprehensive about learning a whole new technology at her age.
She recounted similar stories about (not) getting a new roof, (not) adopting a pet, (not) signing up for the Woman’s March on Washington, and a pain in her jaw that once finally diagnosed, was too late to save three back teeth.
We talked about her self-esteem, which she admitted was and had always been paralyzingly low. In fact, that’s why she decided that signs would help her make decisions she otherwise lacked the confidence to make.
Looking for signs can be a healthy way to build trust and confidence in your own intuition, but not if you don’t believe the signs or the system you set up to help you choose. Even after Mika asked the Universe to show her a sign as to which smart phone would suit her best, she didn’t trust the feedback. For example, Mika’s first sign pointed clearly towards the Android, but her belief that she wasn't smart enough to make a technology choice caused her to question the validity of the sign. Now, wary of the deceitful power of tricky signs, Mika asked the Universe for more and more evidence. She gave away all of her decision-making power to random events that she didn’t trust anyway.
Ideally, signs should be the grain that tips the scales for or against, not the sole reason for opting for one choice over another.
Many RISErs (those who have Recovered their Inherent Self-Esteem) use signs for a little boost of validation, and they trust the information in the sign even if it isn’t what they hope to see. I have another client who employs what she calls the Universal Feedback Loop as a double-check in some — not all — of her decisions. She knows what RISErs know: sometimes signs mirror back what the subconscious mind knows to be correct. This client was questioning her romantic relationship and she hoped the nagging feeling inside was wrong. Unable to see clearly between what was true and what her emotions truly hoped for, she prayed for a sign of confirmation. When a sign appeared suggesting her nagging feeling was correct, my client felt validation even though it wasn’t her hope.
My client Mika is paralyzed by the impending future; she has a job review coming up and hopes for a positive one. That review is eight months away, yet she’s already seeking clear signs that she’ll get a promotion and raise. She asked me to tune into her future psychically to let her know the outcome, but when I asked her if a positive word from me would allow her to relax, she said quite honestly, no. It might settle her mind for a day or two, but then she’d start asking for other signs in other places.
At the base of all this worry and perseveration was LoSE (Low Self-Esteem). Mika had forgotten that she had the power to intuitively understand what path was right for her; the power to choose that path without defending or rationalizing her choice; and the power to change her mind if it turned out to be wrong for her. Her fulfillment was entirely dependent upon signs that she just didn’t trust! As a result, Mika made no decisions whatsoever.
I dug a little deeper and asked her to show me how she determined what made a sign, and what it meant. It turned out she had no consistent system for her signs. As she put it, “When I saw something that might be a sign, I thought, ‘Maybe this is a sign,’ and then I tried to see how I felt about it: good or bad.” What a muddle!
I suggested to Mika that if she were going to rely on signs, she first had to determine where her own thoughts and feelings were taking her. We discussed her upcoming (well, almost a year away) job review.
“What do you feel the result will be?” I asked.
“I don’t know. That’s the point.” Mika looked at me like I was simple.
“No, really. You’re being tugged one way or another within you. Try to look at this in a neutral way. Imagine you’re watching a movie and your boss is reviewing you. What first comes to mind?”
“That he likes my work and he says he’ll suggest me for a promotion.”
In and of itself, this isn’t really a big deal. Lots of people look for or acknowledge signs to one degree or another. But Mika won’t make a move unless the signs are favorable, and she’s so filled with self-doubt and uncertainty, one sign simply won’t do. There needs to be overwhelming
sign evidence that she is correct before she’ll take the next step. As you can imagine, many opportunities have passed Mika by and it was for this reason that she came to see me.
I usually ask my new clients how they found me, and Mika announced that she’d written my name down months ago but was uncertain whether intuitive guidance was what she needed. It was only after repeated reassuring signs that she called me.
“So how can I help you?” I asked her.
“I feel stuck,” was the reply. (If I had a nickel….)
When I asked her to tell me more, Mika described years of the same boring life. No romantic relationships, no hobbies, no travel, no new furniture, no interesting changes whatsoever. She’d been getting up and going to a job she could do in her sleep five days a week, and attending the occasional social event on the weekends.
As an example Mika showed me her old, outdated flip phone. Years ago she’d thought about purchasing a smart phone, but couldn’t decide between an iPhone and an Android; she didn’t feel savvy enough to decide herself, so she “gave it up to the Universe” to direct her choice and awaited signs indicating the best brand.
However, each positive iPhone indicator was matched by a good sign for the Android, so Mika started collecting and balancing these signs against each other. Years went by with no decision, and now Mika feels silly and embarrassed to go into a smart phone store and admit she has no idea how to use one. She didn’t know what an App was and felt apprehensive about learning a whole new technology at her age.
She recounted similar stories about (not) getting a new roof, (not) adopting a pet, (not) signing up for the Woman’s March on Washington, and a pain in her jaw that once finally diagnosed, was too late to save three back teeth.
We talked about her self-esteem, which she admitted was and had always been paralyzingly low. In fact, that’s why she decided that signs would help her make decisions she otherwise lacked the confidence to make.
Looking for signs can be a healthy way to build trust and confidence in your own intuition, but not if you don’t believe the signs or the system you set up to help you choose. Even after Mika asked the Universe to show her a sign as to which smart phone would suit her best, she didn’t trust the feedback. For example, Mika’s first sign pointed clearly towards the Android, but her belief that she wasn't smart enough to make a technology choice caused her to question the validity of the sign. Now, wary of the deceitful power of tricky signs, Mika asked the Universe for more and more evidence. She gave away all of her decision-making power to random events that she didn’t trust anyway.
Ideally, signs should be the grain that tips the scales for or against, not the sole reason for opting for one choice over another.
Many RISErs (those who have Recovered their Inherent Self-Esteem) use signs for a little boost of validation, and they trust the information in the sign even if it isn’t what they hope to see. I have another client who employs what she calls the Universal Feedback Loop as a double-check in some — not all — of her decisions. She knows what RISErs know: sometimes signs mirror back what the subconscious mind knows to be correct. This client was questioning her romantic relationship and she hoped the nagging feeling inside was wrong. Unable to see clearly between what was true and what her emotions truly hoped for, she prayed for a sign of confirmation. When a sign appeared suggesting her nagging feeling was correct, my client felt validation even though it wasn’t her hope.
My client Mika is paralyzed by the impending future; she has a job review coming up and hopes for a positive one. That review is eight months away, yet she’s already seeking clear signs that she’ll get a promotion and raise. She asked me to tune into her future psychically to let her know the outcome, but when I asked her if a positive word from me would allow her to relax, she said quite honestly, no. It might settle her mind for a day or two, but then she’d start asking for other signs in other places.
At the base of all this worry and perseveration was LoSE (Low Self-Esteem). Mika had forgotten that she had the power to intuitively understand what path was right for her; the power to choose that path without defending or rationalizing her choice; and the power to change her mind if it turned out to be wrong for her. Her fulfillment was entirely dependent upon signs that she just didn’t trust! As a result, Mika made no decisions whatsoever.
I dug a little deeper and asked her to show me how she determined what made a sign, and what it meant. It turned out she had no consistent system for her signs. As she put it, “When I saw something that might be a sign, I thought, ‘Maybe this is a sign,’ and then I tried to see how I felt about it: good or bad.” What a muddle!
I suggested to Mika that if she were going to rely on signs, she first had to determine where her own thoughts and feelings were taking her. We discussed her upcoming (well, almost a year away) job review.
“What do you feel the result will be?” I asked.
“I don’t know. That’s the point.” Mika looked at me like I was simple.
“No, really. You’re being tugged one way or another within you. Try to look at this in a neutral way. Imagine you’re watching a movie and your boss is reviewing you. What first comes to mind?”
“That he likes my work and he says he’ll suggest me for a promotion.”
“Great! Does that feeling of ‘yes” show up somewhere in your body?”
“I just feel solid.”
“Perfect,” I said. “Now choose a sign. The purpose is to confirm or deny your feelings. The purpose of the sign isn’t to say ‘Yes, you’ll be promoted,” but ‘Yes, the feeling that you’ll be promoted is correct.’ Choose something that you are unlikely to see or hear in your normal, every day life.”
“How can a sign be something I’m not likely to see?” Mika asked.
“Because you’ll be more likely to trust it. If you choose something regular like a leaf landing on your windshield (this was Autumn), you’ll dismiss it just like you’ve dismissed all the other signs you asked for.”
After quite a bit of hand-holding, Mike chose a cameo. This was a pretty agonizing process for her because her LoSE prevented her from even trusting that she could choose the right kind of sign! Neither she nor her regular circle of friends or colleagues wore a cameo; I advised her that the cameo might be a literal object in her life, might be on television, or show up on her social media.
Mika called me the next day. “Guess what?! You’ll never believe it, but I just opened my mailbox and a big, colored ad card fell out for a jewelry restorer, and the piece on the front was a cameo!”
“So you have your sign. You can relax now and stop worrying about your job review,” I replied.
“Yeah, but what if something happens? Maybe it’s just, well, maybe could you help me pick another sign, just to be sure? That way I’ll really know.”
It took a few weeks for Mika to trust that her intuition, her natural healthy self-esteem, knew her best options. We practiced on smaller, nearer-term and less important choices to build up her trust.
When we can live in a dialogue with the Universe around us we develop a keen discernment, promoting choices that serve our spirits best. Maybe you don’t believe in signs, that the Universe is responsive to you, or that prayers are answered. Yet even if you just believe in yourself, you probably believe that your subconscious mind has a way of being wiser than your thinking mind. These are the times you might say to yourself, “I knew I shouldn’t have taken this exit. Now I’m stuck in traffic.”
When you say, “I knew I shouldn’t have…,” you’re acknowledging that you received a sign or signal from somewhere that you ignored. If you look at life this way, you probably don’t always notice that the signs are actually signs.
The world around us is always part of our own projections, reflections and feedback loops. Why not try to get comfortable with an exchange of ideas or messages with that Universe, inner mind, Wise Mind, or heck, even pixies! It’s fun, empowering, and ultimately reminds you that you and you alone have the power to create your life as you like it. The more information you have, from within and without, the more confidently you’ll make good decisions or more quickly recover from poor ones.
A couple things to remember if you decide to play with signs:
- Choose a sign for either Option A or Option B, not both. It will just lead to confusion.
- Choose a sign to confirm what you already feel inside is how the decision will go
- Choose a sign that you are unlikely to see, so that you’ll more easily believe it is meant for you
- Let a sign be the tipping point, not the reason for, choosing one option over another.
In the end your goal, as you RISE, is to be so familiar and comfortable with yourself that even if you get disappointing responses from your experience or others, your self-esteem remains healthy and confident. You still hold the reins of your life in your own hands.
As you work signs into your regular life, you’ll eventually drop the need for signs altogether because you’re really training your intuition to guide your decisions. As your confidence grows, you’ll need fewer and fewer obvious “Okay to go” signs from outside of yourself, and the discernment you acquire will feel second nature.
I’d love to hear about your experience with signs, so drop me a line or comment!
As you work signs into your regular life, you’ll eventually drop the need for signs altogether because you’re really training your intuition to guide your decisions. As your confidence grows, you’ll need fewer and fewer obvious “Okay to go” signs from outside of yourself, and the discernment you acquire will feel second nature.
I’d love to hear about your experience with signs, so drop me a line or comment!
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